When you lay on the couch and bark orders, being nasty and snide with everyone in the house it makes me want to stab you through the throat with a hot poker.  you are nothing but a lazy, verbally abusive jackass.

You think you are so funny, but really you are just fucking irritating.

You actually just said you "have consideration" for me.  Are you fucking delusional?

I wish there was a god who would answer my prayers.

Stfu

Your constant whining because  we can't afford to buy you a new laptop is so fucking ridiculous.  Your constant sniping is so fucking irritating.  You are a spoiled brat and being married to you is like being married to an obnoxious teenager.

Gross

OMG do you really think I want to hear you constantly whine, snort, fart and belch?  Tongiht you farted as loud as you could and then bent over the dog and asked him to lick it clean.  Disgusting!

I had to just leave the house.  You were going on and on as you always do about the house being a shit hole and how much we suck and bellowing out complaints and chore demands and I literally felt like I could not breath being within the same walls as you.  I ran lift the door so I wouldn't suffocate.

What a miserable existence.  I am such a failure to have allowed my life to spiral into such misery.

When you mock me, talking in that mocking voice and ewagging your head back and forth, it makes me want to poke your eyes out with a fucking ice pick.  When you start with that "you guys" shit, complaining about all the shitty things "we" do and think yourself all innocent, I want to punch you in the fucking face.  Hello!!!????  You stayed in your bed today until 4 pm.

God I fucking hate your guts.  Everyone's world would be better without you in it.

Apparently 10 pm is a good time to yell at the little girls to clean out the guinea pig cage.  When you discovered that the pigs were chewing on the cable, that was apparently also a good time to undertake a big project to protect their cage, using my flexible cutting board and repeatedly yelling at people to get you things for your project.  I also really loved how you threw a bunch of stuff that disgusted you off the mantle and onto the floor, leaving ti there for me to take care of later.

Where do I begin?

Yes, I am married to an asshole.